Here we go again..

Date: 5/25/2011
Starting Weight: 184.9
Current Weight: 182.5
Final Goal Weight: 155
Loss since Last Weigh in: 2.4
Total Weight Loss: 2.4
Pounds left to lose: 27.5

Well this blog is a bit embarrassing. End of story. I'm dissappointed in myself and it shows on the outside and inside. I have gained quite a bit of weight back since my last blog post. I am starting my Medifast journey and transformation all over again from square one. Sure i'm not starting out at 220 and far from my heaviest weight at 265 but I might as welll be. I feel that way.

Back story/ Playing catch up:
While I have always tried to be transparent to my blog followers, at this time I'm not comfortable with full disclosure. but, I will try my hardest to explain how I got to where I am today.

I have had a tremendous amount of stress in my life. I have gotten engaged, bought a house, struggled with intense back pain, and probably the most trying of all.. had some female problems. For the last 5 months especially, I have been going to frequent doctors appointments that are very emotionally draining. I have been on hormone pills that seem to make me gain weight like it's going out of style. I also have been emotionally eatting. My medical issues slowly took away all the self confidence I had built up while getting in shape. So, I went back to the old stand by: I feel like a failure, I eat and forgetabout everything else that used to matter to me personally. I have let my personal problems be the center of my focus and energy. Until one morning I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I had to go buy a bigger pants size and none of my clothes seem to fit. I started crying frequently about my apperance and honestly I've been embarassed for people to see me. Don't get me wrong. I am not making excuses. Life has been rough, but I made the big mistake of forgetting how great it felt to be thing and healthy.

A new start:
My wedding is less than four months away, September 3rd. I am also a bridesmaid in a wedding in early August. I hate the idea that after all that hard work I would be unhappy with my body on our wedding day. So last week I emailed my coach looking for some inspiration. Here are the parts in her respoinse that really inspired me.

"Change, it's a part of life and you need to figure out how to fit all the new things in with the old things that are important to you. Soon you will be a new home owner, then a new wife, then a mother, then a soccer mom, then a mom of a teen ager, then the mother of the bride, and then a Grandma. The importance in this scenario is that you want to feel good about yourself regardless of things changing in your life."

So I put my Medifast order in right away. I started on Monday and have commited myself to getting back on track. I want to lose enough to be back at my old weight before I felt like I had lost control. Looking back at those older pictures I am just fawning over how beautiful my figure was and how great I looked. Thinking back, I never REALLY felt beautiful. It was always "I need to lose ten more pounds." Don't you have looking back to pictures of your past and thinking "Man, I was crazy not to know how gorgeous I was?" Well I am making a goal right now to never underestimate my accomplishments and let myself be happy and feel beautiful. I guess from what happened it shows, I don't have it all together. Even though I thought I did. So, here I go starting from square one. One day at a time, one pound at a time. Take it from me. You do not want to let yourself slip and fall and have to start all over again. Enjoy your weight loss success and make sure when you lose a pound say goodbye to it forever.

Thanks for the support and cheers to new goals and always striving to be a better you.